Top 15 D&D Best Cursed Items [Funny Cursed Items]
Cursed Items
Have you ever opened a chest, pillaged a Dragon’s hoard, or taken all of a pirate ship's loot? Well, most of the time, magic items can be found here and there but not all are helpful.
In this Top 15, we will take a look at the best and funniest cursed items the game has to offer. There are not that many cursed items in the official rules, so I reached out into the homebrew community on Dnd Beyond to find the greatest and funniest cursed items.
The parameters had the results limited to magic items that had over a +10 rating!
15. Armor of Vulnerability
This armor may look comfortable and protective, but you better hope you make the right damage choice.
The Armor of Vulnerability is the first on our list, being more of a bummer than a center for laughter but the player’s frustration at their inevitable curse will surely score some laughs from the DM or their party members!
What does it do?
- You gain resistance to either bludgeoning, piercing, or slashing damage.
- An identify spell will reveal the curse within the armor as will attuning to the armor.
- After attuning to this armor, you become cursed. You gain vulnerability to the other two damage types that you did not get resistance in.
- Even taking off the armor does not rid you of the curse.
Why Armor of Vulnerability is Fun:
- Unlike many cursed items, you learn that you have been cursed the moment you attune to the armor.
- THEN IT’S TOO LATE! You can’t choose to not wear the armor! You’re stuck with the vulnerability!
- Think of all your party’slaughs as you try to destroy or throw out the armor, only to realize the only way to solve your problem is with a remove curse spell or similar effect!
14. Hand and Eye of Vecna
Old, decayed parts of a long gone Lich are collectors items. Bonus points if you replace your own parts with them.
When I think of these 2 Vecna pieces I can’t help but remember a story I heard about a DnD group who were fooled with a fake Vecna part, only to have their entire party maim themselves to “equip” the part. To this day, that story makes me laugh, so they have scored a spot on my list!
What do they do?
- The Eye of Vecna gives you truesight, x-ray vision if you use your action to activate it, and 8 charges. These charges can be used to cast spells at a DC 18 save. The spells within the eye are Clairvoyance (2 charges), Crown of Madness (1 charge), Disintegrate (4 charges), Dominate Monster (5 charges), or Eyebite (4 charges)
- The eye regains 1d4 + 4 expended charges daily at dawn but the catch to all of this is there’s a 5% chance, every time you cast a spell from the eye,that Vecna will tear your soul from your body, devour it, then take control of you like a puppet. So yeah, that sucks.
- The Hand increases your Strength to 20, any melee spell attack you make with the hand or any attack with a melee weapon held by the hand deals an extra 2D8 cold damage.
- The 8 charges within the hand may be used to cast these spells with a save DC of 18: Finger of Death (5 charges), Sleep (1 charge), Slow (2 charges), or Teleport (3 charges).
- The Hand also regains 1d4 + 4 expended charges at dawn but the downside to the hand is each time you cast a spell from the hand, it casts suggestion on you (save of 18), forcing you to commit an evil act.
- If the Eye and the Hand are together, the user is also immune to disease and poison, X-ray vision never causes exhaustion, you can’t be surprised, regain 1D10 Hitpoints at the beginning of each of your turns as long as you have at least 1 HP, you may cast “Wish” every 30 days, and you can turn someone’s skeleton to jelly. Yum.
- This is all while a super-evil Lich attempts to take your soul.
Why the Hand and Eye of Vecna are Fun:
- This one is pretty intense but imagine how insane it would be to wield this power while an ancient being is trying to take your soul or telling you to do naughty things “Ding Dong Ditch anyone?”
- If your party devolves into chaos like the party I heard of, buckle up for the insanity as they all dismember themselves in a race to attune to these items.
13. Sword of Vengeance
If you didn't think your barbarian was scary enough, let them use this sword. Just make sure you stay away.
You’ve just completed a dungeon and you loot the boss’ super sweet looking magic sword! You learn that it’s a +1 sword and a clear upgrade to your blade, SICK! You attune to it and find that you don’t like any swords other than this one now. Then, during your first combat with the new blade, you find out why the Goblin Boss came after you so hard after you gave him a whack with your sword.
What does it do?
- This sword is, on the surface, only a +1 sword.
- The Curse on this blade makes you unwilling to part with the sword, forcing you to keep it on you at all times and using any other weapon gives you disadvantage.
- Whenever you take damage in combat you must succeed on a DC 15 Wisdom save or you must attack the creature that damaged you until it reaches 0 Hitpoints or you get taken down. The vengeance will also deactivate if you can’t reach the creature to make a melee attack against it.
Why Sword of Vengeance is Fun:
- Imagine your party is at a gate or walking into the King’s Castle and they must leave behind your weapons. Watch as your party member FLIPS OUT about leaving their sword behind!
- You may, at one moment, be thinking tactically in battle, having your party focus all on one target but one of their henchmen hit you and you fail the save. Your party will scratch their heads trying to figure out why you just turned on this poor henchman, swinging your sword like a wild man until the henchman is nothing but pulp.
12. Hell Hound Cloak
It might be cool to turn into a Hell Hound, play fetch with my enemies bones and rub my butt on blood soaked carpets.
Polymorph is an extremely powerful spell but its limiting in what kind of creature you can turn into. This is a cloak that transforms you into a HELL HOUND. Like, with fire breathing and EVERYTHING! Hope you like Hell Hounds a lot though, because you might get stuck like that.
What does it do?
- You may use your action to command the cloak to transform you into a Hell Hound for up to 1 hour and works within the same rules as the polymorph spell. You may use your bonus action to revert into your normal self… maybe.
- The curse forces you to want to keep the cloak within reach at all times. The sixth time you use the cloak and each time after the sixth you must make a DC 15 Charisma save or you will be forced to stay in hell hound form until you drop to 0 HP
- BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! If you are stuck in hell hound form for at least 6 hours the transformation becomes permanent and you forget who you were. This can be fixed with a remove curse.
- IT GETS WORSE THOUGH! If you stay in Hell Hound form for at least 6 days, only a wish can undo the curse.
Why the Hell Hound Cloak is Fun:
- First off, turning into a Hell Hound is so cool! Breathing fire, Keen hearing and smell, Licking your butt, and maybe even a little chasing of the ol’ Hell Tail.
- Imagine the progress of shock that your player experiences with this item. 1st: “Dude sick! I can turn into a Hell Hound whenever I want!” 2nd: “Wait! I can’t turn back?! OH PHEW! It's only until the Hell Hound hits 0 HP, that’s not so bad.” 3rd: “OH NO! I'M STUCK LIKE THIS? ARE YOU KIDDING?!” I’m laughing just thinking about the look on their face. Maybe I’m just an Evil DM.
- Wait, what came first? The cloak or the Hell Hound? Are they all just people who got stuck in their cloak?
11. Bracelet of Rock Magic
This isn't just for style, this band will NOT make her dance.
This is some sweet bling that turns your wrist into a Medusa or a Basilisk. Turn your enemies to stone and create your garden of curiosities. Just, try not to become part of the garden yourself.
What does it do?
- The bracelet gives you immunity to the petrified condition.
- You can cast Flesh to Stone (DC 15) as an action. Once you’ve done this 3 times, however, the bracelet will only allow you to cast Stone Shape as an action. After 13 times of using Stone Shape, the bracelet is no longer magical and turns to lead.
- THE CURSE! If you use your bracelet’s ability on a creature related to stone like stone giants or dwarves, they have advantage on their save and if they are successful in their save, the bracelet is no longer attuned to you and you have the spell cast on you instead. Your saving throw is made with disadvantage; on a fail, you are instantly petrified.
Why the Bracelet of Rock Magic is Fun:
- Turning creatures into stone has to be one of the most fun ways to take a foe out of combat.
- The curse though! I’m sure your player will go around trying to turn anyone and everyone into stone but the moment they try it on the dwarf baddie watch as it backfires and jaws hit the floor.
- I’m sure the DM won’t be the only one laughing as the player attempts to pick their jaw up off the floor as they are abruptly turned to stone by their own bling.
10. Javelin/Spear of Backbiting
You'd better hope you're accurate with this one, I would hate to see it TURN on you!
Nothing is more dangerous than a warrior with their weapon. With this spear or javelin, however, it goes to show you that if you suck as a warrior your trusted weapon can stab you in the back. Baddum Pshh?
What do they do?
- Gain a +2 to attack and damage rolls with this weapon.
- The normal and long ranges both increase by 30 feet and deal an extra die of damage on a hit. After it is thrown, hit or miss, it flies back to your hand.
- Curse Time! You are, once again, unwilling to part with the weapon and need to keep it within reach at all times. You also have disadvantage to attack with any weapon other than this one.
- Whenever you roll a 1 on an attack roll with this weapon, it bends or flies back, hitting you in the back. You must make a new attack roll with advantage against yourself and on a hit, you must roll damage as normal.
Why Javelin/Spear of Backbiting is Fun:
- Ok, yeah yeah yeah, a +2 weapon is cool and powerful, increasing range is sweet with extra damage dice but the curse is the fun part! At least for me.
- A 5% chance on the D20 that this effect happens. It could happen immediately making your player think this weapon only attacks you! Or, it could happen far along the road of adventure, really throwing your player for a loop. Either way, the shock on their face when you tell them to roll against themselves or get stabbed in the butt with their own weapon is priceless.
9. Shield of Missile Attraction
Plus side is it's a really cool shield, Downside is you need to stay hidden behind it.
At first, you may believe you’ve picked up the trust Shield of Missile Deflection but instead you are holding its Evil Step Cousin, the Shield of Missle Attraction. Sure, it’s a shield, it’ll give you better defense against the arrows BUT AT WHAT COST?
What does it do?
- While holding this shield, you have resistance to damage from ranged weapon attacks.
- C-C-C-C-CURSE!!! Whenever a ranged weapon attack is made against a target within 10 feet of you, you become the target instead, however, removing the shield does not get rid of the curse on you!
Why Shield of Missile Attraction is Fun:
- Imagine your player is on a battlefield, months of build-up to this climactic battle between 2 giant armies. The new shield clutched in their hand. They hear the distant command “Loose Arrows!” They look up at the sky darkened by hundreds of arrows that are…. Changing trajectory… straight toward them.
- Throwing down the shield, screaming, and running will not stop the trajectory of the arrows coming towards you, half damage or not you’re going to be receiving a lot more puncture wounds.
8. Stone of Ill Luck
This is a not so cool cat, I always knew that a cat would be my downfall.
You find this sick magical rock, you take it to the local Wizard who identifies it for you and tells you it’s a Stone of Good Luck! WOW! It’s your “lucky” day but for some reason, everything keeps going wrong. You’re not sure why your DM is snickering behind their screen but you hold tightly to your Good Luck Stone, good thing you have it or things could be so much worse! Right?
What does it do?
- This Stone masquerades as the Stone of Good Luck, hiding its true magic even under the scrutiny of the identify spell.
- IT'S ALL CURSE! While this item is on your person you take a -2 to all your ability checks and saving throws but you never know because your DM takes care of this behind the screen. You are also unwilling to part with the stone until the curse is broken.
Why Stone of Ill Luck is Fun:
- I imagine it would take a very, very long time for a player to figure out it’s their “Lucky Stone” causing them so much grief.
- It’s like a long-running joke that only your DM gets to know, laughing to themselves at your suffering.
- The player, all the while, is so excited to be carrying around a “Stone of Good Luck”.
7. Potion of Poison
Want to get rid of a friend but you don't want it to be obvious? Easy, just try to heal them with this one.
Your party is overwhelmed, surrounded and taking heavy damage. Luckily, you have that healing potion you bought from the old crone at such a nice, discounted price. You take a huge swig and that familiar, earthy taste works its way down your throat. Until, your stomach twists in pain, your insides are burning. What is this?
What does it do?
- Much like the Stone of Ill Luck, this potion masquerades as a beneficial magic item, a Potion of Healing. It looks, smells, and tastes just like a healing potion but an identify spell will reveal its true nature.
- If you drink it, you take 3D6 poison damage and must make a DC 13 Constitution save or be poisoned, taking 3D6 at the start of each turn while you are poisoned this way.
- At the end of each turn, you can repeat the saving throw reducing the damage by 1D6 on a success for your next turn. The poison ends when the damage decreases to 0.
Why Potion of Poison is Fun:
- Does your party have an enemy caster or perhaps an Alchemist? This would be a great way to make your party hate your bad guy even more without them even being there.
- This can make an already tense moment into a VERY tense moment.
- The look of betrayal on your party's face as they stare at the DM rolling their damage for drinking what they thought was a healing potion… priceless.
6. Loadstone
A unique, pricy rock that's going to hurt your feelings and your knees.
In the Dragon’s Hoard, you find this beautiful stone. Your party’s Rogue appraises it at about 150gp! CHA-CHING! After escaping the lair though, you’re a bit slower and your pack feels a lot heavier. Could the stone be doing this? No, because when your wizard scanned the hoard with detect magic looking for magical items amongst the piles, this stone didn’t light up as magical. So why are you so weak all of a sudden?
What does it do?
- ALL IT DOES IS CURSE! The stone does not light up under the scrutiny of a detect magic spell but an identify spell cast on it will reveal its true nature.
- The moment you use a Dash or Disengage action the curse activates reducing your speed by 5 feet and halving your maximum load and maximum lift capacities.
- You are unwilling to part with this stone.
Why the Loadstone is Fun:
- MY PRECIOUS! This stone is beautiful and expensive but when you reach the jeweler you find that you no longer want to part with this beautiful rock.
- When the curse activates, the player will, most likely, be amongst combat. So, their immediate conclusion might be that the enemy must have this special ability. Until the combat is over and they are still slow and weak.
- How long might it take for your player to figure out that it’s the stone that’s cursed?
5. BigA** Butter Knife (by FrenchToastBabey) (Rating +10)
If a DM ever gave me a weapon called a Butterknife, I would never put it down.
As a prize for defeating the King of the Orcs, you take his shape-changing sword. During combat, you become famously known as the Sword Shifter, allowing your blade to take the shape of the most useful weapon you can think of for the scenario. But, you find you can no longer enjoy a good sandwich. Maybe slaying so many monsters gives you a taste of the finer things.
What does it do?
- Before attuning to the blade, it may take the form of any weapon randomly and if you are not proficient with the weapon it takes the shape of, you may not add your proficiency bonus.
- After attuning, you may use a bonus action to speak the name of a weapon that deals slashing or piercing damage and does not have the Two-Handed property and the knife will transform into that weapon.
- If the weapon has the thrown property, it will magically return to your hand after it strikes a solid surface.
- While attuned, you have proficiency in any weapon it takes the form of.
- CURSE!!! Once attuned you cannot un-attune unless Remove Curse is used. You gain a gluten allergy and bread makes you have bad stomach cramps, giving you disadvantage on all ability checks, skill checks, and attack rolls for 1 hour after eating bread.
Why BigA** Butter Knife is Fun:
- HA! A BREAD ALLERGY?! WHAT?! Ok, this weapon is pretty sweet and it will, definitely, be in my next campaign. But, a bread allergy? That’s Hilarious.
- Become a great hero and you just might be dining on steak but hope that Longhorn doesn’t bring out that delicious bread.
4. Hat of the Pirate (by AstralViper) (Rating +14)
I wonder how much gingivitis is in this one picture. Cursed hat, Arrghhh you kidding me?
Pirates are cool, right? Ever since Pirates of the Caribbean came out, I have found Pirates to be cool, especially in DnD. So, next time you take down that nasty pirate with the dilapidating teeth, take his hat and wear it with pride! Wait. Is it the hat that makes these pirates so gross?
What does it do?
- Cursed. Just 100% Cursed.
- While wearing this hat you must speak like a pirate.
- The wearer grows a pirate beard and their teeth become nasty and gnarly.
- The wearer has a high desire to consume alcoholic beverages but cannot get drunk.
Why Hat of the Pirate is Fun:
- You might be thinking that all of this sounds like a curse but the real curse is not being able to get drunk!
- This item is for pure comedy. Golden Comedy. Watch as the wearer just instantly becomes a nasty pirate and the table will erupt into laughter.
3. Axe of Dwarvish Lords
If it looks nice and expensive, there's always a catch. It's a Trap!
These last 3 were so hard to place as to which was the funniest but after long deliberation, this is the order I decided on. These are all optimum comedy.
Long ago, a Dwarvish prince delved deep into the earth and found the inferno of a great volcano and with the help of his God, crafted four great tools: The Brutal Pick, the Earthheart Forge, the Anvil of Songs, and the Shaping Hammer. Using these powerful tools of creation, he forged this golden nugget of hilarity.
What does it do?
- The Axe is a +3 Magic Weapon with that bonus to attack and damage rolls made with it. It also functions as a Belt of Dwarvenkind, a Dwarven Thrower, and a Sword of Sharpness.
- If a Dwarf is attuned to this Axe they gain immunity to poison damage, darkvision increases by 60ft, you gain proficiency with artisan’s tools related to blacksmithing, brewing, and stonemasonry.
- If you are holding the Axe, you can use your action to cast conjure elemental to summon an earth elemental once per day and you can cast teleport from the Axe, not needing to roll for a mishap if the destination is underground, once per 3 days.
- Did you forget? This item is… CURSED!
- If you are a non-dwarf wielding this Axe, with each passing day your physical appearance and stature become more dwarflike. After 7 days you look like a typical dwarf but you keep your racial traits.
- These changes are not considered magical so they cannot be dispelled but can be undone by remove curse or greater restoration.
Why the Axe of Dwarvish Lords is Fun:
- Well, once the curse is removed, this is an extremely powerful, legendary weapon but until then, we laugh.
- Imagine having this super powerful weapon but you are just transformed into a dwarf, slowly over time, like Tim Allen in Santa Clause. Shave the beard but it keeps coming back!
- I just can’t imagine the panic my player would feel as they watch their limbs become stubbier and their facial hair thicker, slowly transforming into a Dwarf.
2. Really Cool Bow (by Khram) (Rating +32)
Radical man! Just the bow for any surfer dude! Dope man, sick.
You sneak down this heavily guarded corridor, barely squeezing by the sentries walking their posts. You found him! The Evil Wizard has been giving your party hell for the last few months. It has all led to this moment.
You take out your bow gently, carefully preventing that gentle “thrum” as the tightness of the string is released. You hold your breath, as to not alert anyone around you. You knock the arrow, align your shot, and release. You watch as the trajectory was slightly off and the arrow whizzes by the Wizard, leaving him none the wiser. Until the cavern is filled with the yell of “OUCH! UNCOOL!” and your position was given away by your talking bow.
What does it do?
- This bow has a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with it.
- CURSE: The bow yells out when the user attacks with it, the response depending on the outcome of the attack.
- On a hit, the bow will loudly yell a single word like, “Cool!”, “Nice!”, “Wow!”, or “Neat!”
- On a miss, the bow will yell, “Ouch!”, “Whack!”, “Uncool!”, “Sketchy!”, or “Bad!”
- On a critical hit, it yells, "Radical!", "Awesome!", "Gnarly!", or simply makes an air horn impression.
- On a critical miss, it will yell, "Poser!" or "Failure!" and remain quiet for the rest of the fight out of sheer disappointment. You can feel the disappointment coming from the bow. It, also, loses its +2 property until a short rest has passed.
Why the Really Cool Bow is Fun:
- You can throw that stealth sniping out of the window with this hilarious bow. Most likely, your ranger will use a different bow for stealth but it’s still hilarious to envision you get caught because your bow gave you away.
- This thing, definitely, spices up combat with Tony-Hawk-like commentary reinforcing every attack roll you make.
- I can see my entire party having to hold back laughs as this bow comments in every round of combat, maybe even multiple times.
1. Socks of Many a Destiny (by RelativelyGenericName) (Rating +15)
I have been doing all my games wrong. So many more magic items are going to be made into socks now.
Wait, magical socks? Let the Bards play their music and just slide across the floor and hope for the best. The magic from these socks is wild, get ready for the ride because these beautiful tufts of woven cotton will either make you or break you.
What do they do?
- What this item “does” is pretty simple. At the beginning of each day roll 1D20+1D10.
- The result of your daily roll will force something crazy to happen from taking a card from the Deck of Many Things, to springing a hedge maze around you, to gaining temporary Hitpoints, to gaining a flying speed, to reducing/increasing your age, or even getting you another pair of these socks.
Why Socks of Many a Destiny Are Fun:
- Forest always said life is like a box of chocolates but, in this case, these socks are like the box.
- Wearing these socks makes sure something, possibly, game-breaking but, definitely, insane happens every single day.
- These socks will be sure to produce PURE COMEDY as the table wonders just what will happen the next day.
These are the absolute funniest Cursed Items in the game but I would love to hear a story about when a cursed item made your whole table laugh. Let me know if you think my list is wrong and one of these items are funnier than the others!
If you enjoyed laughing at these Cursed Relics you might, also, enjoy:
- [Top 15] Most Powerful D&D Monsters
- The Best D&D Classes (Ranked from Worst to Best)
- Top 25 Best D&D Villains of All Time
